utter folly

I can't believe that I still haven't learned. All this time and I still haven't learned. Why am I such a fool? Why do others have to be so foolish? Why can't we all just be cynical enough to prevent disaster? I need to stop needing people. Need to stop needing them altogether. Why can't I anymore? It used to be so easy. But this goddamn broken bone just makes everything worse.

I need to get myself out. But I'm not strong enough to get myself out anymore. And that's the greatest tragedy of all. When I gave up my independence, I also gave up the strength to get it back.

The day couldn't have turned out better, could it? World, could you make me hate you even more? If this is all that twenty-three brings, I want to go back to being foolish and innocent and twenty-two, wheeling directly from one disaster towards another while denying it altogether. When you bike into the path of a speeding car, you don't stop until it's too late because you can't see the car. When you run full speed into a dead end, you're the only one at fault when you hit the wall because you saw it the whole time. And of course, of all things I could be crying about--tonight I must cry alone. Perhaps I will always cry alone.